Castles These Days

Trim Castle in County Meath, Ireland (near Boyne) is one of the largest castles in Ireland. It is known for the part it played the film Braveheart, and this one struck me as a "classic" castle with most of the "I learned about that in 5th grade" components.

It was built by a wealthy noble person, has a ringwork of outbuildings to protect the inner sanctum, has an external ditch (moat) surrounding it (filled with sewage), is located near a popular river, and has several inner rooms that lead to more inner rooms...

Living there must have really been an adventure.

One of my "new" accounts is not unlike this castle. I'm sure that the building was built by one of the wealthy noble people, the doctor. It consists of a ringwork of outbuildings that protect the doctors offices. There is a parking lot surrounding it and an external margin of nasty prickly bushes that prevent anyone from getting actually near the bricks (or the windows). It's accessible from a nearby boulevard but is not on that street - only a side road nearby.

The main building itself seems to be in the shape of two snakes on a stick (the medical symbol) and has many corners, as if it has been built upon and added-to across the ages. There are rectangular waiting rooms, a reception, long hallways and many defenses before one can get inside to begin to have a conversation. Once inside, the rooms are solid, sound-proofed with tiny windows to keep other patients from peeking in and keep privacy violations out.

I am just amused at while we are so post-modern in our society and have the very best health care, there is much brick and mortar that remains medieval. It's a human system, built for protection, privacy, care and compassion.

As I look at the similarities between modern-day doctor's offices and medieval castle fortresses, I reflect on how I have put up boundaries around my soul. I have a complete ringwork of outer selves that protect me from being authentically me. I know that sometimes information seems to take a long time to get down my heart/mind hallways - which means that I am slow to react. Once there, I wonder if I really "hear" or is my inner ear sound-proofed to what is really being said?

Today I pray for openness. I pray to let down my guard, just a little, and be authentically me. I pray that I might "hear" what others are "saying" when they are not speaking to me. I pray for presence of mind to listen to God's silent whispers, to bring healing and hope.

What is your inner castle like, in this moment?

You brought me out into an open place; you rescued me because you delighted in me. Psalm 18:20

Who You Calling A Liar?

Thanks to Sojourners, I am taking the

Truth and Civility Election Watch Pledge

Won't You, too?

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For the duration of the election season, I hereby pledge to uphold the highest standards of truth and civility in word, thought and deed.

On my honor, I will:

1. Just say no to crazy email forwards, and to any other noxious electronic communication that comes my way.

2. Communicate in a spirit of truth, humility, love, and patience with all people I come in contact with, despite our political disagreements or family relationship. (That goes for Uncle Frank. Especially Uncle Frank.)

3. Question any and all statements that sound mean, vindictive, or absurd; that provide no source or context; or that are politically motivated. (So, pretty much everything I hear on cable TV news.)

4. Share and enjoy stories of folks who are living out an attitude of truth and civility.
(Making sure each story meets both requirements: Nice people telling lies don't count.)

5. As a witness for God, encourage and spread a message of hope and reconciliation to a world that is deeply divided by political and cultural differences. (You know, like Jesus taught.)

Affirmed and signed by,
Vicki Hesse

Timed Release

"She just had her first birthday. Look at how pretty she is! That's her older brother..."

One of my colleagues was showing me pictures of her children. Beautiful faces, awash in flushed cheeks and joy and smiles. Mom described for me how blessed she felt that her little Miss J lived. She was the miracle baby, she said.

Why?

Mom tells me about her baby girl: Born a year ago at 28 weeks. She was just over one pound at birth weight. She shares her story: Miss J was in the NICU for two months. Her experience of the dark, whispery ambiance punctuated by sudden beeping of vital sign alarms filled her soul with fear. Her comfort was her parental companions and the continued hope that Miss J would survive all this. Her darkest day was when Miss J had a "brady event" - when her breathing and heart stop - common for preemies. This usually means simply an extra dose of caffeine for the little one.

The NICU is a strange, sacred place. I've spent many dark-ish days there, written about one such interaction here and used more than one interaction in my case-studies and supervision sessions. It's impossible to be in that environment and not have it effect me at the cellular level.

Which is why, when my colleague shared her joy of Miss J's first birthday, I felt a redemption. I sensed a familiarity with her story. Then I realized it was the anniversary of my first preemie death-experience in the NICU. It was one year ago that a precious little 28-week old little Mr. M went into arrest. The evening moved in slow motion as I companioned little Mr. M's mom through his death, a ritual washing and blessing, and unspeakable intimate moments that will remain in my soul for ever.

In my conversation with my colleague today, I felt a timed-release breath of gratitude for Mr. M, for that moment one year ago, and a sense of perspective.

Sacred moments, indeed - the very edge of life and death on one thread.

How are you experiencing time-release sacredness in this moment?

...Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." Luke 2:34-35

Roots and Rocks

Hiking in the fall reveals elements of earth.

Roots, to hold onto and to pull yourself up. Or to steady yourself in case of slippery foundations. Rocks, to climb over and to push upon. Or to steady yourself as a hand-hold when going vertical.

They work together, these roots and rocks, to make my hike possible. They challenge me, too, in their slippery and unpredictable ways.

I am reminded of how God's presence can seem like a root - something that grows into the foundation of my being, yet can provide a good hold for pulling me forward. Sometimes God is like that. God's presence can seem like a rock - something that feels so solid, captures the warmth of the sun around it, and holds my weight when I jump down. Sometimes God is like that, too.

When I pull with my arms and push with my legs, I am grateful for feeling my body work. God's in those muscles, that breath, that drop of sweat, that sense of being alive.

Thank you, God, for the earth and all that is in it. And for being present with me in the experience.

What roots and rocks are in your life, in this moment?

And Isaiah's word: There's the root of our ancestor Jesse, breaking through the earth and growing tree tall, Tall enough for everyone everywhere to see and take hope! Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope! Romans 15:17 (The Message)

View Inside

My deskmate follows the Buddhist tradition in her spiritual practice. I guess that makes her a Buddhist?

I'm not sure about the vocabulary, so I looked it up: What Makes You a Buddhist?

It’s not the clothes you wear, the ceremonies you perform, or the meditation you do, says Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse. It’s not what you eat, how much you drink, or who you have sex with. It’s whether you agree with the four fundamental discoveries the Buddha made under the Bodhi tree, and if you do, you can call yourself a Buddhist.

We have wonderful conversations about our faith practices. I am inspired by her unconditional positive regard for life, for me, for our situation, for others. I am inspired by her capacity to let everything become her teacher, through the healing power of mindfulness.

The other day, she explained to me how she went for a "sitting" at a nearby meditation center. As she was preparing to enter the sanctuary, she remarked to the meditation guide about the beautiful view out over the blue-ish, smokey-ish mountains. The guide's response was equal expression of awe. The she turned, and said something like, "wouldn't it be nice to see that when we look inside!"

When my deskmate shared that thought with me, I reflected on what a paradox that is. And how grateful that I can learn from her a liberating notion - to look inside at the inner view. I have been thinking about that ever since - is that what God sees when God looks inside?

What is your inside view, in this moment?

When experience is viewed in a certain way, it presents nothing but doorways into the soul. Jon Kabat-Zinn

Faith at Work Redux

It's Tuesday mid-day. Time for team reporting.

Ms. GermanO reports for the manufacturing team. She names the company coordinators who have scheduled upcoming rallies in the next week. Her teammates look on in support with a knowing smile.

Ms. Snacks-R-Us tells about presenting to Sheriff department(s) in our city. She tried to be "warm and fuzzy" at 6am roll call to an audience who wears at least one gun, handcuffs, two or more cell phones, and other unnameable "tools" of the trade around their belt. She gets a kick out of how different each department reacts and how she changed her schpeel mid-stream at one meeting.

Mr. Mom talks about going to a rally at a bank with a box of donuts in hand. The branch manager met him there. He expected at least 25 employees. There were only 4 due to layoffs. They sat at the conference room table, no video, and discussed how these remaining 4 could use different agencies to make ends meet if they, too, lost their jobs.

Our youngest, Mr. Americorps, relays how he used to be really nervous but now, after dozens of presentations, "someone could stop me on the curbside and I could do a rally for them." His growing confidence encourages us all, especially those of us whose rallies don't start until next week.

Our Pacesetter Chair, Ms. WeCanDoAnything, reminds us that it's about relationships. That's why people give, advocate or volunteer. They have a story in their heart and they connect to our story.

I realize this is morning prayer time.

As we name those in positions of authority (the city and county authorities & the United Way management), we are praying for their well being respecting their leadership.

As we compare mileage driven, we are praying for the community through which we pass and ask forgiveness for burning the oil in the meantime.

As we watch and share videos of other community's United Way campaigns, we pray for the welfare of the world and enjoy the robust creativity of the Spirit's movement.

As we meet and shake hands with each of our company campaign coordinators and the participants in the meetings who listen as we ask for them to give, we pray for the concerns of the local community and ask for God's grace to pour out into our presence in that room.

As we share our personal story about why we give to United Way, we pray for those who suffer and those in any trouble. As we pause between appointments and relate to each other our stories of parents and others who have died, we pray for the departed.

As we share a loaves-n-fishes style potluck lunch, we pray in gratitude for all our blessings.

It's faith at work!

In what ways are you praying at work, between the lines?
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

First Love

I heard a story on NPR about first love...the first time a person fell in love with classical music.

This story informed listeners about the launch of NPR Music's new classical music blog, they are calling Deceptive Cadence. Even the name caught my ear (and will now be added to my blog reader!).

For Marin Alsop, she fell in love with classical music was when she was 14 years old at a summer music camp. She heard through a closed door this music and was awe-struck in the hallway. (Brahms: String Sextet in B-flat). She wrote on that blog, "...I gradually sank to the floor outside the door and found myself unexpectedly weeping." It was at that point that she "she fell hopelessly in love with becoming a musician."

For another man it was when he was 8 years old. He had been playing piano for four years already. Then he heard a recording of Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto in E Minor. It struck him - he had to take up the violin. For two years, he begged his parents for a violin. They finally asked why the violin? He told them how he had been listening to this Mendelssohn Violin concerto and they went silent. He got his violin and first lesson that week. It turns out he was descended from the Mendelssohns.

As I listened, I thought about the first time I fell in love with God.

I never had one of those "walk by the closed door, hear the music and know" kind of fallings in love. As a kindergartener, my Nana had shown me a very important verse from Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." But I didn't really fall in love then, it was more like I knew I was loved. Kind of one-way.

As an adult, I was an attendant at the wedding of two very dear friends. In the tiny chapel, we stood very close together and sweated on a hot June day. Dozens of friends and family members along with each of their two kids from a previous marriage, we witnessed their deep love for each other. I wept unexpectedly with joy and with a knowing that just came over me. The really weird thing? It was in Holland. They all spoke Dutch. I could not understand a thing. And, I knew, deeply, that this was sacred ground and that something greater than any of us was alive in that space. Now I have a name ....God - Spirit - Love.

When was the first time you fell in Love?

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13