Showing Up

At my day job, I work in the reception area for the main non-profit that owns the office building, which houses a dozen other non-profits that provide health and human services. Our building is across the street from a county health service provider.

Gleefully, I greet people who walk into our office space. Many times they are looking for another agency than ours. The conversation flows something like this,

"I'm here to get my taxes done, I have a 9:00 meeting with..." "Oh," I reply, "you are looking for the agency upstairs. Just go one flight up and you'll see the sign for TAX HELP HERE."

- or -

"I need to get my hearing aids fixed. I have an appointment?" "Oh," I reply, "you are looking for the Division of Services for The Blind." (I say, chuckling to myself because it seems odd that the 'Services for the Blind' provides services for Hearing Impaired, too.) "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" and I repeat myself, pointing and shouting.

Last week, this interaction really topped them all.

"I have an appointment? " the visitor says.
"Oh," I inquire, "With whom?"
"Um, I'm not sure."
"Oh," I pause. "What time is your appointment?"
"This afternoon."
"Oh," I pause. "What's it about?"
"it's with someone about discrimination...?"

This is the strangest thing - the person has some vague notion that they have a meeting but aren't sure what time or with whom or where. We eventually figured out that I could not help at all. I encouraged them to look through their notes and find a name or phone number.

Then, right as I was shaking my head in wonder, I realized how often I approach God like this. '

"Um, God, it's me. I think I have an appointment with you. Maybe not you. Might be someone else. Not sure what we are going to talk about, or for how long, or what will come up."

And you know what? God always says to me, "Sure thing, fine! You just show up and we'll have a chat." And so I keep coming back for more. Just showing up to this moment and God's there.

With whom are you visiting, in this moment?

Complex Power

Wow. This computer system we use at the office is really complex.

I'm trying to send an email to a group of people. Simple enough. Well, first we need to identify which people. When doing so, be sure to click five fields and update three date ranges. Oh, and there is the optional "title" field that provides for even more options, down the line.

Next, set up the mailing list. This is attached to the assigned group of people. It has another set of fields and date ranges to click on and set. Third, define the "usage" of this mailing list - email? post? fax? ESP? - and remember the four-digit number that is randomly assigned. Don't forget to click on "log" so that it tracks who actually received the email. Next, set up the template email to which you will attach this usage for the mailing list of this group of people. You are almost ready to send your email to the group. Now go back to the main menu and...

Don't get me wrong, I think that this system is capable of many, many things. It probably could make a double shot macchiato with whipped cream and a dusting of chocolate if we want. The power of this thing is indescribable. It slices, it dices... and that's not all...!!

Which makes me wonder how powerful and intricate is God's presence in our lives. I sense that God is right there with us when we find ourselves in complicated situations. God's love spills out in those places where we see both sides of an argument. God's connection in our lives is revealed where one reaction triggers other responses we had not thought of before. God's power is known when something that seems unsolvable is gracefully cleared.

The power to simplify in the midst of chaos.

I pray for God to simplify the chaos edges in my life. Or at least be with me as I discover those blind spots that "I had not thought of before." And in my current, seemingly unsolveable dilemma, to provide graceful clarity. Thanks in advance, God!

How is God's power known to you in this moment?

Pay close attention now: I'm creating new heavens and a new earth. All the earlier troubles, chaos, and pain are things of the past, to be forgotten. Look ahead with joy. Anticipate what I'm creating: I'll create Jerusalem as sheer joy, create my people as pure delight. Isaiah 65:17

Pro

Last week I shadowed a half-dozen chaplains around the hospital.

Part of my department orientation to being a chaplain at this particular institution is to learn the unique idiosyncrasies. Which set of papers to fill out upon a death, how to contact the morgue if a family wants to view a body, what protocol to follow when there is a Code Blue, how to call the shuttle after hours to go between campuses, how to chart spiritual assessments so that it helps the next person who will visit, how to use the "clock in" time keeping system, etc. etc. etc.

During my year as a resident, I learned the art and science of being a chaplain amidst an institution that was set up a bit differently. The culture was one of learning, exploring, making mistakes, asking questions, reflecting, and doing it again and again and again. Eventually, right about the last week, I finally felt like I could simply show up and even though I didn't know what the pager might bring, I knew how to navigate the space, the system, the relationships, the staff and the paperwork.

Last week I shadowed a half-dozen Pro's. They know their stuff. They know the procedures, policies, charting. They showed me how to connect with the staff. They've been doing this for 7 years, 16 years, 25 years...it's in their blood. They shared their terms of endearment for certain personalities "Big Bob" or insider names of key spaces like "the snake pit."

And, I realized at my supervisor's coaching, I'm now one of them. "Can I actually write *that* on the chart?" I asked. She said, "Yes. You're not a resident anymore. You are a Chaplain."

So my prayer is that with God's help, I will fill the shoes of a Pro Chaplain. As my sister said to me at the 20-mile mark of the Chicago marathon, "You have been training for this day for a year. You are ready. Get up off the curb and run like a pro!" May I remember the encouraging words of my residency supervisor and my yaar-colleague-resident chaplains. My I approach this ministry always with fear and trembling. Amen.

What Are You Looking For?

Ever hear one of those sermons that work on you all week?

This one did. (The Rev. Brian Cole 1/16/11)

It referenced this passage: ³⁸³⁹The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, “What are you looking for?” They said to him, “Rabbi” (which translated means Teacher), “where are you staying?” He said to them, “Come and see.” (John 1:37-39)

I appreciated learning about these first words of Jesus in the Gospel according to John. And, it's made me wonder. What am I looking for? A place to call home? God's love? Release from deep anger? Sense of security when I am afraid? Courage to forgive? Compassion to replace condemnation?

The response of his disciples to these first words is so ordinary, "Where are you staying?" And his reply? "Come and see"

The sermon cracked open for me the sub-text that was going on in this dialogue. It's about how Jesus invites us to come along on the journey, to see for ourselves, to find what we are looking for. To me, there is also a mutuality about it. It also means, Come, Jesus, come into my heart and see with me. Journey with me.

It's such a good question that I used it this week. I was greeting a walk-in at my work place. He was struggling with various ailments, one of which was inability to say his needs. He told me a long story, how he got to the truck stop before his car broke down, how he gave those people a ride, how he helped out his neighbor, how he gave money every week to this organization. And now, "What are you looking for?" I asked. It was, seriously, unclear what he wanted.

There was a pause.

Then he told me the other long story. He wants his car to be fixed, his unemployment to be reinstated, and several other things. Out of the litany of what he wanted, I just knew that I could not help. Nor could our organization. I referred him to 2-1-1 and he just blew me off. "They won't help me." As he opened the door to leave, he turned around and wished me well.

So, I sat with this question all week.

What are you looking for, in this moment? Come and see.

Conversation

This week, instead of having a staff meeting, we had a conversation.

A novel idea! Instead of discussing processes, policies, procedures and updates, let's dream a little. Facilitated by the VP of Planning and Community Investment, we discussed - on a personal level - how we dream about our community. Here is how it flowed:

• What kind of a community do you want?
• Given those answers, what are the 2-3 most important issues or concerns when it comes to the community?
• Given our aspirations for the community, what do we want education to be like in our community?
• How will this (answer to #3) help us get the kind of community we want?
• Overall, how do you think things are going when it comes to education in our community?
• How do the issues on education we’re talking about affect you personally?
• When you think about these issues, how do you feel about what’s going on?
• What kinds of things are keeping us from having the education we want for kids?
• When you think about what we’ve talked about, what are the kinds of things that could be done that would make a difference?
• Thinking back over the conversation, who do you trust to take action on the issues you’ve been talking about?
• Now that we’ve talked about this issue a bit, what questions do you have about it?

It was very invigorating for me. I felt the hopefulness return to our team, who was having a stressful week.

It reminded me about a professor that I had in seminary who liked to consider the first words of the Gospel of John, "In the beginning was the Word..." as "In the beginning was the intimate conversation..." I found this very refreshing and a concept to which I could connect.

Intimate conversations, I found, connect me to others in a way that words do not. No wordy discussion about policies, procedures, or processes could have shown my how deep my colleagues' compassion runs for our community. No waterhole exchanges about new restaurants or coffee bars could have shown me my colleagues' fears of loss, pains of family dysfunction or perspectives of cultural upbringing. Intimate conversations do that.

And that, is the light that shines in the darkness.

What conversation have you had lately that shifted your connection to others?

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:1-5

Enough

Everyone's got it - a shadow side.

What varies is how much we love our shadow, how much we accept and learn from our shadow and how our shadow informs how we see the world - our perspective. One of my shadowy sides tells me that there is "not enough" in the world. Or that I am "not enough." My awareness has allowed me to embrace my inner "Ursula." That not-me personality that sometimes comes out - that deep sea witch that grumbles, moans and wails. When I think about her, I realize that often the source of her power is somehow related to "not enough."

When I came across this poem by John Van De Laar in Weavings Volume XXV, it caught my eye. After I read it, I read it again and again. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do (and Ursula does, too!)

Worry and stress are not hard for us, God,
we do them without thinking.

There is always the potential of threat
to our security,
our comfort,
our health,
our relationships,
our lives,
and we foolishly think that we could silence the fear
if we just had enough money,
enough insurance,
enough toys,
enough stored away for a rainy day.
It’s never enough, though;
the voice of our fear will not be dismissed so easily.

But in the small, silent places within us is another voice;
one that beckons us into the foolishness of faith,
that points our gaze to the birds and flowers,
that, in unguarded moments, lets our muscles relax,
and our hearts lean into loved ones;
In unexpected whispers we hear it,
calling us to remember your promises,
your grace,
your faithfulness;
And suddenly, we discover,
that it is enough.
Amen

In this moment, I remember that grace is enough.

We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us. Colossians 1:9

Orientation

On Monday I attended an all-day "Orientation" session at the hospital.

It's a mandatory first-day overview course designed to, well, orient the new employees. [I will be working PRN (on an as-needed basis) as an overnight Chaplain a few weekends per month.] I have to admit that even a day filled with a death-by-powerpoint teaching style, it was helpful. The CEO came in and spoke about what matters - to him, to the hospital, to the community at large. The chief "service" VP emphasized quality. The Human Resources VP expressed how "employees are our best asset."

The more time we spent in the below-freezing air-conditioned theatre, the more we dredged through the practical muck and mire. How and where to park. How to wash our hands. How to stay alert to safety. It was all very predictable, and although I will remember very little, I do feel oriented. This Orientation day is a way to mark the entrance to a new work-a-life - it's a bit like a hazing, too. Here's what everyone knows no matter when they started here. It's an equalizer.

I wondered about getting a God's Love Orientation [day]. Something like a mandatory first-day overview of all creation. Maybe Jesus comes on stage and talks about what is important, to him, to the Kingdom of God, to our hearts. Maybe Peter or Paul come and talk about the importance of Unity. Then perhaps Luke shares about caring for each other, particularly the poor and marginalized. Matthew emphasizes our continuity with our traditional values.

Then, I remembered my baptism.

• Do you believe in God the Father?...
• Do you believe in Jesus Christ, the Son of God?...
• Do you believe in God the Holy Spirit?
• Will you continue in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in the prayers? I will, with God’s help.
• Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord? I will, with God’s help.
• Will you proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ? I will, with God’s help.
• Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself? I will, with God’s help.
• Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being? I will, with God’s help.

Now *that's* an Orientation day. Thanks be to God!

How are you "oriented" in this moment?

So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Ephesians 4:11-13