September 3, 2009
Be still before God; for God wait patiently. Ps 37:7
For supervision today, I did a case study on myself. (What a geek!)
I wanted to explore my emotions that arose when (last week) I transformed from being the On-Call-Chaplain-Attending-A-Trauma-Alert to being the Code-RA-Patient-in-room-42. I wanted to deal with the shame of humbly calling my supervisor to come and "bail me out" of the hospital. I wanted to understand better why I felt nervous, fearful, and uneasy as we waited for the doctor to pronounce me "okay to return to work."
I've gained deep empathy for what it must be like for patients who are simply going about their day and *poof* suddenly and without warning they are in the hospital. These patients turn to their family and humbly have someone call their supervisor to say that they won't be in to work the next day. These patients feel nervous, fearful, and uneasy as they wait for the doctor to pronounce their prognosis.
What I found in today's Psalm are words that it's okay that it took me an entire week to reflect on this. By being still with this subject, I found God's presence alive in me and the inner-courage to name with my supervisor some deeply held feelings. With God's help, I'll pass this in-courage on in my pastoral care.
Or at least I'll not be afraid of the Trauma Bay. I'm on call again tomorrow.
How are you showing up in the moment, still before God?